Jesse Ojuka

My short sleep is cut even shorter by the loud bin truck outside. “Surely they can’t be fucking serious doing this while people are still sleeping” I rant to myself. The old monstrous engine abruptly drags me out of my sleep like a World War Two soldier pulled from desperate rest. My fury mounts at the fact I have a seven am shift. But just like normal these days, the lid of gratitude slams down on my boiling pot. By reminding myself how lucky I am to work from home, still in bed.

Unlike yesterday, my mood matches the predictable Irish weather. Devoid of any bright colour. Dull as despair. I manage to read some pages from my book and break into the last hundred of the six hundred pages. “Almost there”, I tell myself. Using my mind microscope to zoom in on any small victory. My slimy phone lays beside me. It whispers to me to pick it up to distract me from my gloom. I resist, aware that is all it is. Temporary escape. From a mountain I will face as soon as I put it down.

Five minutes before my shift ends, I pull the warm covers off and sit on the edge of my bed. I suck air into my nose like a free diver, and then I rise.
I put on my gym gear, all black. I pick up my loyal red Beats headphones and step outside of my house. I’m not in the mood for music. I’ll listen to old episodes of my podcast instead. “Hopefully, this injects me with a sliver of life” I desperately think.

I’m slightly in awe of myself. “Why do I feel like I’m listening to a version of myself so much older than last years? Has life sucked out my magic in such a short period?”. Or maybe my values and beliefs have become ingrained in me, like a pilot who does all his pre-flight checks without it even being a thought.

The strength in my arms is malnourished. However, the focus in my mind is present as a monk. No exercise is skipped. As I get deeper into my workout, my body begins to warm. I’m reminded that no matter how I feel, I will always do it. I may not be a hard worker, but I am a doer. I will do whatever it takes. Even when I feel dull.

I still rise.