The Trap

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If I was to describe how I felt over the last few weeks I would say a fog hovered over my mind. Not a rainy sadness or blistering motivation. Just fog, an indifference. They say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference. I had sprained my mind.

I’m an expert at starting new things, I don’t want to go into the details but seeing as my last post on this site was 317 days ago, it speaks for itself. Granted, I’m not embarrassed by this, they say people who succeed have a graveyard of failures and I’d rather be the person that tried than didn’t. Nevertheless, the trap. 

I recently started NothingToTheGrave, a brand that encapsulates my purpose and everything I’ve experienced until now. It aims to inspire people to try and get closer to their true potential. 

It isn’t my only responsibility, I’m also a final-year college student, an amateur artist, an obsessive gym goer, a reader, and a writer. My days are filled to the brim and constantly overflow onto the next day, and the next day. By design, I thought this was wise, seeing as I hate wasting time. I decided to produce two videos every week and two podcasts and if I didn’t, I would consider it a failure. 

This is where I fell into the trap. 

Oftentimes, we get an idea, we feel a gust of motivation sweeps us off our feet which can result in us effortlessly picking up a new instrument, starting a new language, going to the gym 5 times a week, and embarking on a new journey. But then as time passes, that motivation becomes a distant memory, and we’re left with our normal selves. Our tank is empty, and doubt sees an opportunity to whisper bitter thoughts into our ears like “Did I bite off more than I could chew”, or “I’m going to quit and everyone is going to think I’m a failure”.

I’ve recently learned many things from my recent burnout. I needed to revisit my goals and aspirations. Why did I feel the need to work so much? Yes, I hate wasting time but it’s also because I had a massive chip on my shoulder from not being good at anything growing up. This is also known as insecurity. It manifested in many good things, I’ve lost a bunch of weight, and I’ve become driven but, on another hand, it causes me to adopt unsustainable aspirations. 

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